How to Stay Focused On Today, When The Bigger Picture Feels Too Much

Staying Focused on Today.

If long-term planning overwhelms you (i.e., 5-year plans etc.), it might be hard to get started on anything.

I get it.

Sometimes, we are struggling emotionally, mentally, or perhaps faced with a health condition (in my case, hello chronic pain!) that we can barely think past the damn minute. Other times, we might be worried about too many “what ifs” or annoyed at the length of time it might take to achieve an ambitious goal.

Or, if like me, you planned your life right down to details (often not taking into account uncontrollable factors), you’re sitting there wondering WTF. How is it that everyone else’s life (supposedly) worked out just as they planned? God or the universe must hate my  guts, JUST BECAUSE! It is easy to feel discouraged to continue holding onto goals and dreams or believe that it will ever happen for you.

I feel you.

I’ll share that I had hoped to complete a Masters degree in counselling (I didn’t get accepted into the program when I had applied), be a successful therapist (now a fulfilled coach), and be married at 24 (presently single and as of this hour, don’t give a damn). I had also wished to have children by the age of 26, two girls and two boys to be specific (currently 38 and still flip-flopping between feeling hopeful and hopeless, uncertain as to whether it is ever going to happen (biologically, anyway). Control freak much?

As you can see, I had some pretty specific ideas and expectations. I think many of us do. Things get tricky when we are encouraged to think about the future, what we intend to do with our lives, and our biggest goals and dreams. And I am sure you will resonate with the sucky feelings of failure and shame when the plans either fall apart or don’t take off at all.

Or, worse, you feel lost. You start to wonder, “Why me?” or “What’s wrong with me?” Or, happy as you might be for your peers and those around you, it can be equally painful to watch life be seemingly smooth sailing for them while you are dealing with choppy waters and faced with insurmountable obstacles.

The fears of desires not coming to fruition or not finding your way are too much to bear. It feels like life has betrayed you. Some omnipotent being you believed in has abandoned you, and screw this sh**; you can’t be bothered with all the well-intentioned-but-unhelpful-in-this-moment advice like “Have faith”—cue eye-roll.

And yes, I could preach about being flexible and adaptable, but for a hot minute, you and I (or maybe it’s just me) want to stew in anger and shock and denial, and this is starting to sound like the grieving process.

I think it is OK to grieve unfulfilled expectations, and meanwhile, focus on the present because the bigger picture may be too much to look into, and that is OK. I repeat: That Is OK.

Instead, focus on today.

If long-term planning overwhelms you (i.e., 5-year plans etc.), it might be hard to get started on anything.

I get it.

Sometimes, we are struggling emotionally, mentally, or perhaps faced with a health condition (in my case, hello chronic pain!) that we can barely think past the damn minute. Other times, we might be worried about too many “what ifs” or annoyed at the length of time it might take to achieve an ambitious goal. Or, if like me, you planned your life right down to details (often not taking into account uncontrollable factors), you’re sitting there wondering WTF. How is it that everyone else’s life (supposedly) worked out just as they planned? God or the universe must hate my  guts, JUST BECAUSE! It is easy to feel discouraged to continue holding onto goals and dreams or believe that it will ever happen for you.

I feel you.

I’ll share that I had hoped to complete a Masters degree in counselling (I didn’t get accepted into the program when I had applied), be a successful therapist (now a fulfilled coach), and be married at 24 (presently single and as of this hour, don’t give a damn). I had also wished to have children by the age of 26, two girls and two boys to be specific (currently 38 and still flip-flopping between feeling hopeful and hopeless, uncertain as to whether it is ever going to happen (biologically, anyway). Control freak much?

As you can see, I had some pretty specific ideas and expectations. I think many of us do. Things get tricky when we are encouraged to think about the future, what we intend to do with our lives, and our biggest goals and dreams. And I am sure you will resonate with the sucky feelings of failure and shame when the plans either fall apart or don’t take off at all. Or, worse, you feel lost. You start to wonder, “Why me?” or “What’s wrong with me?”

Or, happy as you might be for your peers and those around you, it can be equally painful to watch life be seemingly smooth sailing for them while you are dealing with choppy waters and faced with insurmountable obstacles. The fears of desires not coming to fruition or not finding your way are too much to bear. It feels like life has betrayed you. Some omnipotent being you believed in has abandoned you, and screw this sh**; you can’t be bothered with all the well-intentioned-but-unhelpful-in-this-moment advice like “Have faith”—cue eye-roll.

And yes, I could preach about being flexible and adaptable, but for a hot minute, you and I (or maybe it’s just me) want to stew in anger and shock and denial, and this is starting to sound like the grieving process.

I think it is OK to grieve unfulfilled expectations, and meanwhile, focus on the present because the bigger picture may be too much to look into, and that is OK. I repeat: That Is OK.

Instead, focus on today.

When you look back on today, what will you have accomplished?
What mindset do you need to pull you through?
What are your intentions for the day?
How do you want to show up?

If it is helpful to you, complete or answer the following:

  • My intentions for today are (i.e. to be peaceful, healthy, productive, assertive etc.)
  • At the end of today, I will have accomplished
  • The skills I’ll use to get things done are
  • The attitudes that I’ll bring to the table include
  • The strategies I have in place to stay focused are
  • If I’m facing challenges, I will tell myself that
  • If something is not within my control, I will (Lose. My. Sh**! Just kidding!)
  • I can influence my situation by
  • If I can’t meet my intentions and actions today, I will offer kindness to myself by
  • What will I do to keep persevering especially, with no evidence of tangible, positive outcomes in sight?
  • What can I say or do to embrace the way things are while continuing to move forward?
If, for whatever reason, it is excruciatingly painful to think about the day, try focusing on what is important to you in the next hour, and break that hour down.
If it is helpful to you, complete the sentence:
Just for the next hour, I will…

Key Tips:

• Be realistic and realistically optimistic about your day.

• Create action plans and break down tasks into smaller bits. Do what you want to do, what is important to you and for you and what is in alignment with your values, talents and purpose (More about purpose in another post).

Bonus Tip: If you find writing down a specific task too restrictive or unaccommodating to your needs (or have a rebellious streak as I do), use broad categories in your planning and then choose the specific activity at the moment. (I.e. You might write Exercise on your list, and when the time comes, you decide what you want to do). Doing this allows for some structure or routine and spontaneity if you crave it.

• Prioritize what you need to do. (This includes self-care).

• If you are running out of time or something unexpected comes up, shift your focus to the most critical items on your list, and tweak the duration of your tasks accordingly.

• If it was “one of those days,” try to make peace with that. Make peace with the idea there are all types of days to be had in this thing we call life. We’ve all had them and you are not alone.

• Celebrate the day if it went well. If it didn’t go as you planned or expected, practice acceptance, label how you feel about it, know that other people have felt similarly, show gratitude for existing blessings, and prepare as best you can for the next day. Whatever you do, find a way to practice constructive self-talk.

“I accept that today was “one of those days.” I feel disappointed, understandably, as others mightI am grateful for all the good things I have and the good that showed up for me today. Tomorrow will be a brand new “today.”

Maybe focusing only on today (or the immediate future if it feels accessible to do so), and by putting things in perspective daily, we can learn to put into practice flexibility, adaptability and self-compassion. And, maybe then, we will be better positioned to zoom out and look at the bigger picture.

Until then, permit yourself to let it be, and let yourself be here, now.

I wish you a bright and beautiful “Today” every day.